monsters of men [deni]

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He was not in a particularly good mood. But then again, when was he ever? His ears kept flicking back against his head. His tail lashed against his back legs. He radiated annoyance. The reason was really quite simple and wholly justified. His apprentice, Coalpaw, had been neglecting his training. In other words, he simply didn’t show up. He seemed to have not a care in the world. That wouldn’t have bothered Sedgewhisker so much. He was used to being avoided. No, what really hurt was the talk from the other warriors. He listened in during the night when they thought he was asleep.

There was no worse condolence than one of pity. They whispered, all attempting to sound heart-felt and caring. But he knew they were reveling in the gossip, loving every forbidden delicious moment. It was easy to be confident when you could pin the failures on someone else. And that someone, so often, was Sedgewhisker. He’d heard them whispering, snippets and rumors. One said they heard Nightstar was going to reassign Coalpaw to a “younger more suitable” mentor. Another had whispered with false fear that she had heard that Sedgewhisker was hiding utter blindness. The rumors just got wilder and wilder.

But the consensus was the same – he was an unfit mentor. His tail lashed, his lips aching to twitch into a snarl. He was a perfect mentor. He was patient, strict and blunt. In their short sessions, Coalpaw had made leaps and bounds in his training. And yet, somehow Sedgewhisker couldn’t even be given the recognition. It was just too much apparently, too much admiration to be given to him. Bitterness was as thick in his eyes as it was in his heart. It had built walls around him. Every time he tried to stretch out, all he hit was memories and regrets.

That niggling thought came, the one that plagued him night and day. When would his sight fail him? What if one day, he work up and everything was black? The Elder’s Den would be unavoidable. If anything, they would breathe a sigh of relief. He would rely on no one, form relationships with no one. He was solitary by nature, introverted, stand-offish. But where in a clan it was seen as abnormal, where it was resented. When blindness set in he would have nothing, no independence, no choice but to rely and grovel. And the mere thought disgusted him.

He kneaded the soft dirt with his paws, endeavoring to push the thought away. He laid down, curling on himself in a patch of sun near the Warrior’s Den. For now, all he could do was block it out. He would find the little things, those frail tethers that kept him connected to Thunderclan, to any of the clans. It was funny, in a way. Those tethers were slowly snapping – faster than they could be restrung. Not many were left, and eventually they would be too weak to hold him back from simply floating away. The blackness would come over, and he’d be powerless against it.

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[deni - ♥]

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the thunderclan leader, as he so often did, found himself in a particularly good mood. newleaf was finally upon them, and with it came prey and life. it was the best season, to him. the clan was fattening up, thankful for the new amounts of prey. the sun didn't shine so harshly that it was unbearable, but just enough to keep him nice and warm. birds were constantly twittering overhead, pretty much every animal in the forest was content with the new warmer weather. even when a storm came, it wasn't so bad. after the storm passed, the vegetation just seemed more green. the leader was sitting at the mouth of his den, watching the hustle and bustle of the clan. sometimes he missed being the deputy. being leader was nice and all, but he missed organizing the patrols. he rarely went on patrols, as leaders weren't often expected to. as a deputy, he had assigned himself at least three patrols a day. he just loved them. what he loved even more, though, was being in charge of them. patrol leaders made very important decisions, sometimes more important than the ones he made. of course, they would consult him if they could.. but sometimes things happened in the blink of an eye, sometimes they had to make calls on their own. that was probably what he missed the most about it.

the large furry tom rose to his paws and stretched out, his mouth wide in a yawn. he had had quite enough of sitting around, and decided that if possible he would be going on a patrol.. or at least out in the forest. his yellow eyes scanned the camp, trying to decide which cat was best to give the news to, but before he could come to the decision, his eyes fell on sedgewhisker. he had always had a certain fondness for the older cat, who had finished up his training when he was an apprentice. recently, though, sedgewhisker's age had been showing. there were rumors that he couldn't see as well as he used to. there were also rumors that he was unfit mentor. nightstar tried to shrug these off, but he took them as a personal insult. would he have given sedgewhisker an apprentice if he thought him to be an unfit mentor? of course not! he could remember well when sedgewhisker had trained him, and he knew that the old cat didn't need perfect vision to mold coalpaw into a respectable warrior. forgetting the notion he had about leaving camp, he bounded off of his perch and over to the older tom. it had been awhile since they had last spoke, mostly because he knew sedgewhisker wasn't a big fan of idle conversation. in any case, though, he felt that no matter what the prickly tom said, he got lonely sometimes.

nightstar settled not far from sedgewhisker, "good day, sedgewhisker, how have you been faring?" he grinned at the older cat, feeling perfectly happy and at ease.

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500 words - sedgewhisker - n/a

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He had all but fallen into a doze, curled in on himself. He was impossibly small, almost endearing in appearance. But inevitably those gentle feelings ebbed away when the observer realized just who they were observing. Sedgewhisker’s bitterness and general grumpiness had long since washed away any affectionate feelings others might have held for him, or at least made them wary of approaching him. And for a while, he had cared. He had felt those pangs of pain, of regret. But eventually they too had ebbed. He had been left with reality, the simple truth of what he was and what she would always be. The members of his clan, they were like kind. It was all too easy to look at him and realize that one of these things was not like the other.

His ears perked at the sound of his name. He lifted his head, somewhat surprised. The voice had been pleasant, genial really. The rare times that he was addressed, well the voices were not nearly so confident. He turned, his gaze falling on Nightstar with visible irritation. It had been moon since he had conversed with his apprentice turned leader. He had always refused to think of him as a warrior, and as a leader was almost impossible. Somehow that had tasted wrong on his tongue, like licking puddles of bile. He shifted, so his body faced Nightstar’s. He was still splayed in the sun, luxuriating in the warmth that spread through his fur. But his full attention was now given to Nightstar. Looking at him dredged up memories, some of which he would have preferred laid dormant in the darkness of the Elder’s Den.

As a younger warrior, he’d seen Nightstar as a sort of project, a protégé. Not that he’d ever said as much, or even acted in a way that would have revealed this feeling. Even now, he couldn’t truly act on it. He rested his head back on his paws, his brows knitting together in annoyance. But it wasn’t really entirely whole-hearted. Something about Nightstar still endeared him. Instead he shifted, grumbling over his shoulder. “My apprentice is obstinate and rude, I’m hungry and now you’re disturbing my nap. So I’d say not well at all.” He flicked his tail. Any other warrior would have crept away, perhaps mumbled an apology and vanished. But Sedgewhisker knew Nighstar wouldn’t. He was stubborn, painfully oblivious.

And truly, Sedgewhisker didn’t really want Nightstar to leave. Ever since Owltalon had retired, he’d found himself achingly lonely. The pointed stares, the whispers – they closed around him. He knew any other leader would have forced him into retirement by now. But Sedgewhisker was stubborn. He refused to give up, to allow himself to be pushed in amongst the old and ailing. It was nothing more than waiting to die, waiting for age or blindness to carry them to Starclan. And perhaps some were content with such a thing. But Sedgewhisker was not. He was stubborn, and he would cling to life just as long as he was able to.

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[deni - ♥]

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nightstar had known that sedgewhisker wouldn't take kindly to being woken up, but he hadn't really cared. sedgewhisker, whether he admitted it or not, wanted some company. nightstar knew the old warrior would probably need to retire to the elder's den soon. that was part of the reason he had given him an apprentice. sedgewhisker had been an excellent mentor to many apprentices, and it seemed unfair to thunderclan not to allow him to pass on his skills to at least one more apprentice. nightstar was certain that sedgewhisker was part of the reason he was a leader know. he first mentor, she taught him enough, but it was sedgewhisker that was tough on him. it was sedgewhisker who taught him to take things seriously, and kept him busy enough to keep his mind off of lilypaw. his chest still contracted uncomfortably when he thought about lilypaw. it had been so long.. but somehow she still caused him to feel like that. no other she-cat ever had. he shook his head a bit, bringing his attention back to his old mentor, who was now speaking.

nightstar couldn't help but grin.

"oh, don't be so grumpy. that's how all apprentices are!" he didn't know if this was really the right thing to say, but nightstar had never been a very perceptive or diplomatic soul, "if you're hungry, i'll be more than happy to go get you something from the freshkill pile." nightstar's yellow eyes twinkled happily as he regarded sedgewhisker. even though the tom wasn't very likeable in a normal sense, nightstar liked him better than most cats. maybe it was sedgewhisker's tendency to just way whatever he felt. most of the time that was looked down on, but to nightstar it was a good thing. too many cats held grudges or got angry and never let any cat know. but that wasn't the way to solve problems. how were things supposed to get better if you didn't let anyone know something was wrong in the first place?

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335 words - sedgewhisker - i'm sorry this is so bad xD

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Sedgewhisker knew, from the moment Nightstar approached, that his nap had been forsaken. Nightstar wouldn’t let him be. The young leader had a knack for showing up at inconvenient times. And whether he feigned an oblivious nature, or truly was unfazed by Sedgewhisker’s irritable nature – he stuck around. He found himself grumbling under his breath, hauling himself to a half-sitting position. As little as he enjoyed being disturbed, he respected the warrior code. In his book, there was nothing more important than respect. And he’d be nothing but a hypocrite if he didn’t show his leader the respect he deserved. Even if his leader had once been his mentee.

Sedgewhisker flicked his tail, brushing away Nightstar’s offer. “I’m perfectly capable of hauling myself over.” He glanced around. It was somehow a show of weakness, embarrassing, to be brought prey as if he was unable to retrieve it himself. He peered about. “Or perhaps, better yet, my useless apprentice will show up.” Not that Coalpaw would ever be the type to actually follow a request – or be compassionate enough to do such a thing without being asked. There were some things that Sedgewhisker had learned, in his long life, not to hope for.

He turned his attention back to Nightstar. He still felt, even so many many moons after Nightpaw had become a warrior, that his duty as a mentor wasn’t over. He felt the same way about all his past apprentices. He still had the urge to guide them, to see them live the lives they deserved. Sedgwhisker found himself peering at Nightstar. “When are you going to get yourself a nice little she-cat and have a family?” A frown lurked on his lips, somewhat disapproving. Now this was quite hypocritical, as he had never found a mate himself. But he said it anyways. It seemed like such a waste. And perhaps, secretly, he would have liked to tell stories to Nightstar’s little ones. Perhaps kittens would be the one thing to perk up life as an Elder, when such a title eventually fell upon his reluctant paws.

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[deni - ♥]

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In all honesty, Nightstar had never expected Sedgewhisker to take him up on his offer. The old tom was just too proud for something like that, though he was sure that any of the younger warriors would have taken the offer. But he understood, or at least he thought he did, that Sedgewhisker was just proud. Maybe he had something to prove. If Nightstar had been more adept at reading feelings, he might have picked up on the fact that Sedgewhisker was actually ashamed to accept help, that he was under more scrutiny than the average cat. Unfortunately, though, the leader remained as blissfully unaware as he always did. "If you say so," his voice was calm and even. He didn't care if Sedgewhisker turned down his offer or not. What mattered was that he had offered, right? At the mention of Coalpaw, Nightstar laughed easily. "I wouldn't count on that, you still need to whip him into shape a bit more." A placid smile remained on the tom's black lips as he stared around the camp.

“When are you going to get yourself a nice little she-cat and have a family?”

The words caused his smile to slip off of his face, involuntarily of course. Briefly, visions of black and white kits danced in his head.. A creamy white mother nursing them, him standing to the side proudly. He quickly turned from the other tom, masking his temporary pain with another smile, "Oh.. I dunno..." He tried to sound normal, but his voice came out rough and thick. He silently cursed, hoping that Sedgewhisker wouldn't say anything about the sudden change in mood. "I just haven't found the right she-cat yet." Finally, he was able to grin and turn his gaze back to the older tom, because he was now telling the truth. He thought of some of the prettier she-cats in the Clan.. but none of them seemed right.

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320 words - sedgewhisker - sorry it took so long!

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Sedgewhisker’s jaws gaped in a yawn. He would have stayed comfortably where he was, laying curled in the sun. But he’d never been comfortable with others towering over him. He hauled himself up on his haunches, his tail flicking back and forth. The camp was mostly empty. At such a prime time of day, many mentor-apprentice pairs had taken the opportunity to go out and get extra training. But true to character, Coalpaw hadn’t shown for their scheduled meeting. He couldn’t fathom what it was the little black tom had spent his day doing instead. And honestly, Sedgewhisker didn’t much care.

He shook his head, his ears flicking. He muttered under his breath, something about useless stubborn youth. No one knew better than him just how far Coalpaw still had to come before he would become a warrior. The young tom was fiery, to full of rebellion for his own good. He hadn’t yet found it in himself to care, to realize the consequences of his wanton actions. Sedgewhisker shook his head again. “He’ll be my last project, Nightstar. After him, I’ll deserve a good long rest in-.” He stopped abruptly, mid-sentence. He deserved a good long rest, time spent overseeing other activities.

But not in the elder’s den. He wasn’t ready for the elder’s den. He glanced towards the area in question. His brother, Owltalon, was napping just outside. The black and white patched old tom was curled happily. Likely Owltalon still believed himself an apprentice, lived in a time when any moment his mentor would bat his ears and insist they went for training. For Owltalon, future past and present all seemed to combine into one. Sedgewhisker cleared his throat awkwardly, instead addressing Nightstar’s comment on the subject of family. “The right she-cat?” He snorted. “No such thing, only one you can tolerate.” He smiled, a slight rough thing, and flicked his tail towards his dark regal companion. “Time’s ticking, you don’t want to end up alone like me.”

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