flyaway
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Post by flyaway on Apr 11, 2013 18:54:01 GMT -5
Well hey there. Here is your dandy little lesson thread. Before we begin all the fun stuff, there are a few things I want to let you know.
Firstly, I'm going to try and be as straight-up with you as possible, without being outright blunt. I don't believe padding criticisms or areas of improvement really help anyone to actually improve. You are more than welcome to question the advice or pointers I give you, of course, but I expect they will be in the same respectful manner that I intend to treat you with.
Secondly, just a little bit about myself so we can get to know each other a bit. I'm just in the midst of my senior year of high school, so seventeen years old. I have extensive experience with writing, sentence structure, and especially with creative writing. I have a crazy insane love of Batman and leeches freak me out. Got it? Awesome, lets begin.
So, after reviewing your RP sample you provided - I have a plan of attack for our time together. You have a basic grasp of detailing, sentence structure and grammar. However, I want to improve these grasps, make them more definite. I'm going to help you add more fluidity to your sentences, fix a couple of grammar points - and really focus on detailing. You mentioned length and ease of writing. The place to fix this is really going to be detailing. I'm going to work on adding to that first, as it will be the longest lesson. Then we'll move on to the other two points.
Half of writing is not only telling the story, but making it come alive. Now I know I don't need to lecture on this. I'm sure you understand. But adding that detail can be difficult. Where is the right place? How much is too much? Well, here I am to answer those questions. Here is an outline of what I plan to focus on.
The main areas where a lot of detail can be added to improve your posts are in - Surroundings, Feelings, History, Opinions and Actions. These will be explained in more depth as we go. I will be assigning you small exercises, though I assure you they will be nothing too difficult for you. At the end, we'll wrap up with some last tidbits. Sound good?
Feel free to ask questions at any time either here or through PM. |
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flyaway
Administrator
[M:-10]
Posts: 1,012
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Post by flyaway on Apr 11, 2013 18:54:38 GMT -5
surroundings
Surroundings. This is a pretty basic concept. It asks the question, where is your character? Yes, you may have posted your thread in the "Riverclan Camp" subboard, but the camp is made up of so much more than a name! There are dens, pathes of dirt, or grass. There are leaves and trees, distant or nearby streams, any number of things only limited by your imagination.
Giving detail about surroundings not only lengthens your posts (as you desire), but also creates a well-woven picture for your reader. They make your character come alive, and your writing more fluid. I'm going to use your sample post as an example for us to work with.
You have some beginnings of surrounding detail, in sentences such as "With or without the fur-mangling thorns, it was far to small for his large, muscular build". But give more. Do the thorns snag at his pelt? Does he have an alternate way of getting into the camp? Do they prick him and make him bleed? What does the camp itself look like? What kind of day is it? Sunny? Warm? Cold? Ask yourself these questions.
Now imagine all the places you could give more information. Such as what Jaggedleaf has been doing, why he is returning to camp, whether he wants to return to camp.
You need to write with all five senses. And yes, that is possible. Move through them, mixing them together to create a whole picture. Here is a list of the most useful details to include in the category of Surroundings.
- What can the character see - other cats, birds, lots of trees, etc.
- Physical sensations - dirt on her fur, warmth on her back, etc.
- Sounds - murmured conversations, silence, running water, etc.
- Taste - does she scent something strange, how was that mouse she had for breakfast? etc.
Please, do feel free to ask for clarification. While I am not a first time teacher, I realize that not everyone learns the same way. I am more than happy to give you more specifics, explain in a different way, etc.
assignment
You are going to write a scene. There is no maximum for words, but it has to be at least 200. You are to use proper grammar and sentence structure (which you already know) and use all of your new knowledge about describing surroundings. You don't need to focus on other details just yet. I want you to focus just on surroundings. When you finish, please post it here so we can go over it together.
Your Scene: One of your characters (any one of them), is on a walk alone. You may pick place, mood, time of day and anything else. Just write describing this scene.
Feel free to post any questions!
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